Chevrolet Express


Have you ever heard the term…Rape Van? Well you guessed right if you said a rape van is that big ugly white van that you always see on the road, and in the news. Nobody knows this, but the rape van is officially a Chevrolet Express.

The Chevrolet Express was first sold in 1096 when it replaced the GMC Vandura almost completely. There was also a similar looking van that we can probably fir under the ‘rape umbrella’ released at the same time which was called the Savana. Since then, the Chevrolet Express have been creeping out little girls and boys and making frequent appearances on the news.

For some reason perverts and weirdos are drawn to this van. Maybe because it is a mirror of their heartless, emotionless, and ugly soles, or perhaps it is because it has a lot of space in the back for them to do whatever perverted and sick things it is they do. The Chevrolet Express is not a model that you have heard a lot, but we are guessing those words will be ringing through your head next time you see one off these disgusting vehicles on the road.

Classic White Rape Van

This is the most common looking rape van that you will see on the road today. Ladies, when you see this vehicle slowing down next to you, don’t wait until you see the dirty middle-aged man with a mustache, sunglasses on, and stains around his crotch on his old jeans, just run… as fast as you can and don’t look back.

Driver Description

There are really only two types of people that drive this van: rapists/perverts and workers/contractors. Both of these people benefit greatly from the amount of space, storage, and wiggle room that the Express van has. If the person driving is a worker, chances are they are Mexican or some other type of Hispanic, and if you are in Los Angeles those chances increase severely. Construction people love this van because they can practically bring their entire tool shed with them, let’s just hope they don’t get into an accident and have all of their crap come flying out.

If the driver really is a rapist or bad person, unfortunately that person could be white, black, Hispanic, Asian, or whatever. The smart perverts are probably out there buying other types of vans and huge sedans, but there are still plenty of idiots out there who continue to fall for the trap that this big vehicle lays. Along with these great peoples, the following types of personalities are drawn to the Chevrolet Express:

  • Mexican contractors who have a junk yard / scrap yard thrown in the back
  • Asian contractors who have some type of specialty machine that ways 4 tons sitting in the back
  • Teenage kids who use the truck to make horrible amateur films or skateboard all over the place
  • Handicap people who actually have some type of wheelchair or walker device in the back
  • Middle-age women who have converted the Express into some type of weird dog grooming vehicle

You didn’t think we were going to stop at worker and rapist did you? When we have a vehicle as infamous as the rape van, we have to make sure we are getting everything out on the table. After all, we do want people out there stereotyping correctly and fully educated.

Clever Rape Van

This is perhaps not the most common Chevrolet Express van, otherwise known as the ‘rape van,’ that you will see on the road, but you must admit that this perverted van owner is clever. They have realized that kids today are not so much attracted to candy as they are to wireless internet to play games and go on Facebook. (DISCLAIMER: Here at we do not condone any crude acts that involve children whatsoever)

Driver Behavior

This might sound surprising, but our expert stereotypers all concur that the Express is normally flying down the roads like a maniac. Either the worker is in a hurry to get to his job site, or the pervert is in a hurry to get home and to his dungeon. Either way, the Chevrolet Express is usually driving very fast, weaving in and out of traffic like one of those bastards you just want to kill. You will usually see them:

  • Driving like a speeding maniac even though they are driving a vehicle that is meant to be driven slowly
  • Weaving in and out of traffic to the point where the van is almost tipping over
  • Tailgating law abiding citizens because they do not want to be late to their construction job or child abduction
  • Not making complete stops at stop signs because they do not want all of their shit in the back to come flying forward
  • Running red lights because drivers of the Express are selfish pieces of shit

For whatever reason, people who drive this car are real assholes and jerks. If you know anybody who drives this ugly disgraceful vehicle, we highly suggest you stop hanging out with them because anybody who drives a rape van is not normal. We don’t care if they are a contractor or not.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *