Cadillac Escalade


The year was 1999, and the Lincoln Navigator was hot on the scene making waves with all of the soccer moms and business men who wanted to be a little higher up on the road. GMC had an ace up their sleeve that would change the game and give the Navigator a run for its money…the Escalade.

The Cadillac Escalade is pretty much a remake of the Yukon Denali, but it was constructed with Cadillac’s new design theme so it looked more slim, sleek, sexy, and aggressive. The Escalade is as luxurious as ever and it drives like a dream. With a huge V8 engine, an extremely large 3-row cabin, and that glamorously sexy Cadillac symbol on the hood, this full sized SUV has earned itself quite the reputation. The biggest knock we have on the Escalade is that it is quite the gas guzzler, but if you have enough money to afford the $74,425 MSRP on the Hybrid model then you are in good shape.

Cadillac Escalade Stereotypes

Cadillac Escalades are beautiful machines, especially when there is a hot MILF in the driver seat. It is hard to see inside off this puppy, but there is either a hot mom or a gangster ballin black person……50/50 chance so take your pick.

Driver Description

When you imagine somebody behind the wheel of the Cadillac Escalade there is a 98.45% chance that you have 1 of 2 types of people in mind…yes…a black guy or a house wife. Yes, very weird we know, but all of stereotypers agree that the Escalade attracts either a hip-hop crowd or the soccer mom gang. Ludacris made the Escalade famous with his music, and for some reason black guys, and even Hispanic vato types, are drawn to this vehicle. Maybe it is for the Cadillac sign, the luxuriousness, or the cabin space, but you will see the following types of people flocking towards this SUV:

  • Black guys who enjoy taking part in the hip-hop lifestyle like Ludacris
  • Middle aged women (moms) who need to transport kids (moms and MILFS)
  • 35-45 year old business men who like driving luxury SUV’s
  • Hispanic males who either have families with legitimate jobs or who are drug dealers or rappers
  • 16-21 year old teenagers and young adults who have rich mommy and daddies

There is something about a Cadillac that draws that type of rougher crowd, but for the most part it is the white affluent families who take the cake in the battle for Escalade dominance. It will be interesting to see how this particular model evolves as we start heading deeper into the 2000’s, we are already seeing some amazing technological innovations in the automotive world.

Custom Cadillac Escalade

When you see a gangster ride like this you either want to duck and take cover in fear of a drive by shooting, get your camera phone ready because Ludacris might be inside, or look in the window because there might be a hot MILF driving.

Driver Behavior

The way that the Cadillac Escalade behaves on the road is not really anything exciting, a very boring and normal acting driver. Of course, there are those few nut jobs who enjoy driving 120 mph on the freeway when everybody else is going about 70 mph, but you can say that about any type of car really. What stands out most about Escalades is the wide array of crazy upgrades, alterations, and overall “stuff” that their owners take part in: Lift kits, lowering, hydraulics, sound systems, crazy paint jobs, kids stuff piled up, ski racks, trailers, etc. No matter how nice and perfect a car manufacturer makes its vehicles, people will always be making changes and additions of their own. It goes right along with the individualistic way of American culture. Everybody wants to customize their vehicles and the Escalade has been the perfect canvas for that over the past decade or so. As far as driving and overall behavior goes, you can expect this:

  • Driving slow, normal, or fast on the freeway. Usually a bit fast
  • Double parked in parking spaces
  • Bumping loud music with the windows rolled down, sometimes with marijuana smoke billowing out the windows or with teenage girls in the backseat…sometimes both
  • Fast starts from red lights and stop signs since it has such a powerful low end torque
  • Sporadic swerving from lane to lane on both the freeway and streets

The bottom line is that if you’re driving an Escalade than you are probably living a good life, unless you just stole that Escalade and you are high on meth, then your life is probably not so great. Either way, this is just one of those cars that were rather easy for our experts to peg, let’s see what you can do.

One Commentto Cadillac Escalade

  1. You are fucking HILARIOUS. We’ll be checking back for updates often, haha. PS Hope you don’t mind we added a link to you. =| Too funny a site to pass up and selfishly keep to ourselves.

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